Date: December 23rd 2009

This Friday is Christmas. We will do our regular Ask Dr. Hal Show. Starts at 9. But the show will be slightly truncated. And will collapse into our annual Christmas disaster. I assume that you understand how the Dr. Hal show works by now. You may not, however, know about the Christmas show. You are invited to participate. It's quite awful. Here is the write up...



Are you not going to get a gift this year? Are you far from your relations or not speaking to them? Do you not have any family? Any friends? Are you cast adrift in a sea of emptiness and despair? Are you going to have your Christmas eve alone, drinking scotch looking in the mirror? Are you not going to even get one wrapped present this year?

Well then. That's terrible. Funny, but terrible. As amusing as it might be that you are pathetic, you now experience an empty Christmas at your pleasure. There is another option. You can find other people who are in the same boat as you. And spend your Christmas with them. No, I'm not talking about casual encounters on Craigs' list... I'm talking about:

IT'S CHRISTMAS, CHICKEN JOHN...

That's right, once a year for the past 20 years Chicken has brought together people on the most depressing day of the year. Christmas sucks. The commercialism, the disingenuous lyrics to those insipid songs and the crowds of idiots running around clogging everything up. Christmas is single-handily responsible for our "mall" culture. If it wasn't for this holiday... Sears wouldn't be in business. I've fixed all that. Come to my show. Bring some bullshit you don't want anymore from your house or things that other people gave you and you don't want. Interesting things. Good things. Bad things. Funny things. Useful things. Any things. Wrap them. Doesn't have to be in "Christmas" wrapping paper. Be creative. Bring them. Put them under the "tree". The show is a game show of trivia. We ask questions. The lucky/unlucky contestant answers. Correct or not, you get to open a present. This goes until there are no presents left. Krob butchers Christmas music. Abuse abounds. Chaos ensues. Serendipity triumphs. Christmas loses. Humble beginning enacted. Radiant future opens like a flower. You write act 2...

The worst gift to date was Phx wrapping Alabama's dirty diaper. Second worst gift was a bucket and a vial of syrup of epicap (vomit stuff). Funniest useless gift to date was half a waffle iron. Someone wrapped a $100 bill. Gourmet cheese. Original art. "Modified" stuffed animals. Books. Videos. Coffee. Tape. Dryer lint. Cocaine. Cell phone, ringing... a book end. A check for 3 dollars. A jar of playa. Some 20 cent stamps. Sex coupon. Flea powder. Naked photos of Sean Kelley's mother.

We do the show until all the gifts are gone. Or all the audience is gone. Last year, the gifts outlasted the crowd. At 3:30.

Take a nap before coming.

Only show in town. Please forward...