Date: December 10th 2009

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

                           Chicken John 
                         presents

====== THE GENUINE & ORIGINAL ========= ASK Dr. HAL ! SHOW

NOW PLAYING AT THE LEGENDARY Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret 3359 Army (Cesar Chavez St.)
San Francisco, California

[Where Mission St. Joins Cesar Chavez]

                                           And take note:
               WE'RE NOW ON FRIDAYS !
      FRIDAY, December 11th!       

GAGS! GOOFS! PRIZES! SURPRISE GUESTS! CRANKS! QUIPS!

                          PERFORMANCE COMMENCING AT
            NINE P.M. SHARP!                           

===DOORS OPEN FOR THE SHOW AT 8:30 PM=== THE PRE-SHOW begins about Eight-Thirty. We will be starting as close to Nine PM as we can. Despite a long history of lagging audiences, we'll try not to hold the curtain as we have in the past--
WE CLOSE, ideally, before Midnight, to give our East Bay friends the chance to make it in time to catch the last train from the 24th St. BART Station, a few short blocks North of the CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET [Last East Bay train departs about 12:16 AM] in S.F.'s colorful Mission District!

PHILOSOPHICAL ANARCHY! RIOTOUS COMEDY!
Yes! You read it right! The original, unabridged & authentic Ask Dr. Hal ! Show (beware of derivative question-and-answer shows) is back in action-- with Chicken John & all your favorite, frantic A DH crew! With Jimson Jimmy at the door! KrOB at the controls! Pete Goldie's Science Scoops! David "Yo-Yo King" Capurro body-surfs the Internet! Dr. Hal answers your queries! We're back-- and doing the show once more! It's just as if we never left! But beware-- the final curtain might fall while you aren't paying attention-- and you'll miss it all!

         The Dr. Hal Report           
Vol. XII                                                                                                                          No. 9

" How like a Winter hath mine Absence been From thee , the Pleasure of the fleeting Year! What Freezings have I felt, what dark Days seen, What old December's bareness everywhere!"

• -Shakespeare

C O N T E N T S :

KARTOON : TREE-SITTING ELEPHANT HATCHES HYBRID MONSTROSITY + THEN 9-POUND SPIDER SCUTTLES FORWARD IN ATTACK IN KINDLY KrOB'S ARTFUL ARACHNOPHOBIC APOTHEOSIS TO PROVIDE NEEDED HOLIDAY CHEER + ON-LINE INTERVIEW 4 U + BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE-- WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE + WEB SITE DISPLAYS OUR MIGHT + PETE GOLDIE'S REMARKABLE SPACE REVELATIONS PRODUCE, IN THOSE PRESENT, BEGUILING SENSATIONS + DAVID CAPURRO'S IN CHARGE OF THE SCREEN-- USUALLY, HE PUTS UP SOMETHING OBSCENE+ NEWS: ADIEU TO FRANK CHU + THEY SAY OUR NEWEST DOORMAN, JIMMY, GETS FEMALE
HEARTS TO SHAKE & SHIMMY - DR. HAL ART SHOW STILL UP & RUNNING, VISIT SAME THIS WEEK @ MERCURY CAFE - WATCH FOR OUR FABLED FORTHCOMING, CULMINATING XMAS SHOW + SOCIAL NOTES + PUZZLING EVIDENCE PRESENTS MORE ON YOU TUBE +

A DECEMBER YOU'LL REMEMBER!
--AND WE START... WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON ! Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon-- each, one of the best seven-minute theatrical shorts ever committed to film. The previous week we brought you, as promised, Warner Bros. animation director Bob Clampett's irrepressible Bacall to Arms (1946). Well, Clampett also teamed up with Dr. Seuss to produce this week's cartoon-- Horton Hatches the Egg (1942). Yes, that Horton. In addition to his heroic advocacy for Whoville, the titular pachyderm also hatched an egg, in Clampett's engaging version of the Seuss book. Clampett adds his own sardonic touches. At one point, as the ship transporting the tree-sitting elephant is making its way across the Atlantic, a fish with the face and voice of Peter Lorre sticks his head out of the water, takes in the spectacle and languidly exclaims, "Now I've seen everything" and whips out a gun and blasts his brains out. For some reason, they censor this part when they show it. Actually, lately they don't even show it. But KrOB does, at Ask Dr. Hal! For those who can truly appreciate it, this cartoon is a beautiful and artistic creation. And we don't censor anything. So join us this Friday night, won't you? --in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation's once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on time! If you're habitually missing these things you're doing yourself a disservice & not getting full equity on your admission price...
Do we really have to explain who Peter Lorre was?

Also with...
KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
ALONG CAME... A SPIDER!
Giant Spiders often have enlivened our shows in the past-- now KrOB unveils a pulse-pounding encounter with another outsized arachnid. Although Spiders frighten most people, being as they are a living embodiment of elements of unstifled Nature which force us to confront her most sinister potentialities, it should be said in all fairness that these creatures, particularly the giant kind, are really rather fragile. Once one can get past the understandable loathing and cosmic horror they tend to inspire, once deprived of the element of surprise, most of these arthropodal prodigies can be disposed of with only moderate effort. The oft-feared tarantula cannot withstand even the slightest jar which breaks the seals at the leg joints and kills the creature by allowing the lymph, spider circulatory fluid, to leak out. This is also true of the far more fearsome and larger Brazilian Wandering Spider, Phoneutria nigriventer. This Goliath of spiders, highly venomous and fiercely aggressive, will pursue and attack humans, but has proven to be equally vulnerable (our late grandmother once killed one, in 1926, with a broom). The spider in KrOB's cautionary excerpt, only slightly but significantly larger than today's known types of Phoneutria, appears to be perhaps some kind of an enlarged Latrodectus mactans, a spider notorious for its neurotoxic venom even when found at its regular size. But in Earth's prehistoric past, huge spiders did flourish in the Paleozoic, far bulkier than even the eight-legged colossus KrOB will gleefully exhibit. Scientific! Educational! It's a fair bet that no other night club show, on Cesar Chavez Street in San Francisco or anywhere else, presents anything like this as a diversion for its audience. Not for children or those easily shocked.

Read the latest hard-hitting interview with Dr. Hal on Laughing Squid's Blog:

http://laughingsquid.com/a-conversation-with-hal-robins/

NO BAR-- BUT YOU CAN DRINK! (JUST BRING YOUR OWN) Not counting the inevitable Fernet Branca shots for the (un)lucky. With Venom Mango Energy Drinks given away-- on the house!!

WEB SITE? RIGHT!
Visit www.askdrhal.com for more information than you need.

PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES OUTER SPACE THRILLS! Our Science Segment...
Prevailing theory suggests that cosmic rays are accelerated to energies of billions to even trillions of electron volts by the expanding shock waves generated when massive stars explode. Hear ADH Science Solon Pete Goldie expound on gamma ray bursts and how cosmic rays with even higher energies are thought to be powered by supermassive black holes at the centers of galaxies (our own galaxy, the Milky Way, has one of these). Kinks in a galaxy's magnetic field keep cosmic ray particles bouncing back and forth between the advancing shock wave and the immediately anterior region-- revving them up, as it were, to these high energy levels. Who knows? Perhaps gamma-ray emissions from starburst galaxies peak at the energy generated when a certain subatomic particle known as a neutral pion decays into two gamma rays. These galactic pions can be generated only by cosmic-ray collisions. Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of celestial objects, as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, also isn't beyond a nod to high-energy physics to make his point. And, with computer-jockey David Capurro's assistance (see below) he usually also illustrates his presentation with rare pictures of strange worlds in our own Solar System. A Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

COMPUTER FREEBOOTER GETS CUTER!
The Visual Dimension...
In a cloud of swirling incense, David "Yo-Yo Pro" Capurro, a mainstay of our show for lo these many years, provides a running visual commentary to all that is said and done as the show goes on. It works like this: we mention a topic, David operates his keyboard, and almost instantly there's a related image up on the screen. I.J. (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master of Yo-Yo Fu extraordinaire, is a multi-talented, accomplished baker and a competent guitarist. A cool customer-- but he really lives for but one purpose. His main delight in this life is to ask an anonymous question at Ask Dr. Hal! and get host Chicken, unknowingly, to pour him a free shot of Fernet. And in this, strangely enough, he always succeeds. He sure can do it. So he does it. That settles it.

NEWS -
FRANK CHU TAKES EXTENDED SABBATICAL
Famed Street Prophet Frank Chu has dropped out of Ask Dr. Hal! for the time being, and we see no further purpose in continuing to advertise his presence at our show. Frank and Ask Dr. Hal! go back a long way, but he hasn't been making his scheduled appearances with us for the past ten weeks-- we hear he has some sort of "trouble with Fridays" --so we at Ask Dr. Hal! have reluctantly acquiesced to his need to go his merry way. It seems that also our well-known doorman Robert Levy, who ran the 12 Galaxies Night Club back in the day, is also too busy for us in these hard times. \So, we're replacing removed Robert with our new doorkeeper-- Jimmy! (See below.)

PRESENTING JIMMY-- AD H'S NEW DOORMAN!
He's tall and lanky, easy-going and affable-- unless someone tries to get in without paying the freight. Meet Jimmy, the newest sensational discovery at Ask Dr. Hal!, the world's foremost question-andanswer night club show. Jimmy will take your admission payment and direct you to your seat, making ingress to the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret virtually anxiety-free. And... girls-- we hear he's "available!" Nuff said.

ONGOING SHOWS
"THE PRODUCTIONS OF TIME" --Dr. HAL'S CURRENT ART SHOW! For everyone who missed Dr. Hal's last art show, some of the images shown there are now featured again, together with new and previously unshown works. It's all happening at the Mercury Café, 201 Octavia Street (at Page). The opening party featured entertainment by Dr. Hal and KrOB. Keep watching this space for our announcement of the closing party, which, when it happens, in addition to another appearance by the demented duo, will present a live performance by Dr. Hal ably assisted by KrOB's visual and auditory magic! It will also be an opportunity for those who are interested to purchase a limited number of Dr. Hal's books, The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks (which is becoming quite a rarity-- Random House is now out of them), Dinosaur Alphabet and Alien Apocalypse 2006, including autographed and dedicated copies. This may be the last best chance to get some of these. Art Prints of many of the pictures can be ordered from Studio Reflex of San Francisco-- pick up a form at the show. The Mercury, serving organic and fair trade coffees as well as locally produced foods, can be reached at (415) 252-7855.

UPCOMING
--And don't forget! We're counting down to our MegaloA nnual Christmas S how--

FRIDAY , DECEMBER 25TH -
======= CHRISTMAS DAY!!===========
OUR BELOVED YEARLY ENACTMENT OF
"The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas!" [ Also known as, "The Night Chicken John Ruined Christmas"] PRESENTED ON OUR ASK DR. HAL! STAGE - WITH PRESENTS AND GOOD CHEER FOR ALL, AS WE WIND UP ANOTHER YEAR! ******** (Keep watching this space for developing details!) **********

SOCIAL NOTES
Friday nite our crowd gotta loada chortlin' Chicken John's new "stage modifications--" get this: a special Box Seat for the stupefied Smoke Pot Guys! That's krusty Ken Karefree & philosophical Phineas T. Smokepott, who now have their own VIP (Very Intoxicated Patrons) area-- compleat w/ bags o'chips, couch & blaring, garish blacklite poster. How's that for service? Meanwhile, former doorman ramblin' Robert Levy has rambled on, so we now have joltin" Jimmy, our current major-domo of the threshold. He's the towering ticket-taker and cash catcher you'll find hovering by our portals, mortals... Y'know, we dunno whether weather conditions'll downsize our upcoming audience... The weather bureau boys & gals say we're in for some striding storms... lashings of rain... great. Just what this show needs. Well, why not ride out the blast inside the comfy confines of the good, old Chez Poulet Gallery Cabaret, eh? Why not? Oh, what we go through... Well, good weather brought out dashing Davy, granite-jawed Gooby, lounge-lizard Lloyd Mongoloid of Mongoloid & Cookie Mongoloid fame, mild-mannered Miles who was miles of smiles, mummenschanzer Moses Grubb, sensational Sean Kelly, sensual Sadie (a Canine American) & quondam fellow performer with delighted Dr. Hal, lovely Linda Robertson... We thought we caught a glimpse of jewel-like Jenner, one-time Odeon bartender & now writer of one of the few blogs really worth your attention (at http://lastcallsf.com/ on the Interweb)... but she, whoever, was in the back... couldn't tell... hard to squint thru those brite lites... Jasmine-fresh Jean quizzed & queried us-- abt. invisible upchuck, but careening Cappy's antics on the computer created a distraction on the screen whose uproar scrambled the reception of the answer... betterluck nextime... Then definitely determined Dini wanted to know if fire always goes with smoke... Deconstructing aphorisms, that's what we so often end up doing...Bus Trip & Burner Vet observable Obo Martin attended, wrapped in a blanket it seemed, unless memory plays us false... Digital David Capurro's station was incensed, Fernet by cheeky Chicken was dispensed... And so it was. On the way out we chatted with kurvaceous Kate Willett & mainstay Marc Roper... Another show did all befall, so thanx to one & thanx to all...And speaking of thanks, ranks, patient Puzzling Evidence could use some-- you can bet the mortgage he was at the Show again, shooting us more for those You Tube entries of his on PuzEv TV, rite thru th'nite, to appear beneath this site... like these most recent ones! Keep going-- just drop your eyes down... on down to these...

...AMAZING, AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS! Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling Evidence, you can! Go ahead-- scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! --on You Tube! It's easy! It's fun! It's time-consuming! And it's technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there in person! You need to visit his wonderful site, with rare video of the Lost Galleon La Contessa and many wonders unrelated to our show-- HELCO from Burning Man '96, various festivals and performances of all your faves-- as well as our stuff --from the links below. How? How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead-- just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs. Remember, if it won't play, try watching in High Quality...

Pete Goldie performs as only he can, as we launch ADH November 27th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/mPBiks3NrKM

But then Dr. Hal is forced by the audience's caprice to discuss, among other things, He-Man's underwear (and outerwear) November 27th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/4/fs15xIOHnRE

Kids have the Damnedest Names as we find from Dr. Hal, who then must flip into "Beatnik" Mode, and more that same night of November 27th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/3/ePzgtPHtquA

Robin Coomer's KrOB Moment! But perhaps she deserved better. Still, that's what it was, on the 27th of November (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/2/NvriDE9d9eU

Did dinosaurs smile at rainbows? This fragment takes you to the Dance Party, or part of it, on November 27th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/1/dybgS-Oyh9w

What better way to start than with Pete Goldie's Science Report? We recapitulate our show, which first took place November 20th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/10/9b10X8U7Dwc

Science has its day, the 19th Psalm and even an a cappella rendition of lyrics from an extremely obscure musical show as we continue with the best moments shaved from the ADH of November 20th (Pt. 2):
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/9/UdozeN4f-Aw

And then a Rebuke to hoarders (of all things) distinguishes this minuscule mote comprising a significant chunk of show on November 20th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/8/xbEENziL8zY

Incubi et Succubae concern us-- both transitory stages of the same volant creature, just one more Awesome Revelation served up by Ask Dr. Hal! on November 20th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/7/Mi4pWmdyR8o

Bodily functions discussed with an air of unction before questing bumpkins on that November 20th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/6/gOJQJemiIsQ

The Viking Code ends the Show, thanks be to Wotan...Gods, History and Church forever....or until YouTube gives up the ghost. The last of November 20th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/BUr2XFfl4s0

The great Geoff Ellsworth of the Towne Dandies opens for us-- see the highlights! He's amazing! --on November 13th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/16/9wiVQPSniv I Then Pete Goldie adds Science (Astronomy) to the History portion from Mr. Ellsworth's light-hearted opening 1-man revue to flavor our savory November 13th salad (Pt. 2), and Dr. Hal adds an Invocation from the Bard:

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/15/CZB5zAilD_o

Lovely Robin Coomer endures a KrOB Moment and a revolting, slimy swallop of (ugh) Fernet... Also, His Grace, the Duke of Uke proves to be among us and is cajoled into an impromptu turn on his signature instrument, the ukulele November 13th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/14/ni2sXf24yi8

Principal co-expressibility is illustrated by KrOB's artistry, and more on (moron?) that selfsame November 13th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/13/u7uQtvu3sbY

Robert Levy subjects himself to the KrOB Plunge; merriment ensues November 13th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/12/hkUp2yY1TRc

The Pleasure Saucers of the Sex Goddesses come in for a mention, and, BTW folks, we've been to X-Day-- several times --and those Goddesses are really real. So endeth the show, with Sam Gamgee's The Stone Troll, on November 13th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/11/lm9Jz0oINoY A show without Pete Goldie-- and a drunken Jarico Reese is drafted as scientist-in residence on a hapless November 6th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/8/GS14DNjswSA

Then Dr. Hal recites Henley's Invictus, and we're off, that November 6th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/7/Mm8pKOwNPWg

Things look up when distracting Jenner shows up, but Dr. Hal isn't fast enough to answer. Then we parse the Genesis of Bibendum November 6th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/6/-T_8UYYFeu8

I am Spy's Brain is the Readers' Digest article next summarized November 6th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/eW2vrao-CTE

Shelley's apostrophe to the Skylark somehow is added to this non-homogenous mixture to conclude the show of November 6th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/4/ntE3MS-fSeQ

Our pre-Hallowe'en Show launches with Chicken's Monologue-- and Pete Goldie's debut of a Bees-ness Suit October 30th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/6/1uOzvC3Fb0Q

Then dig the '80's KrOB costume! Pre-show Art Farm clean-up of Newsom's stained no-record on Chicken John, and we wait...for the Bay Bridge to re-open that October 30th till Dr. Hal arrives with his timely warning about the Mewlips (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/KY_KIBHwMUU

Little Orphant Annie comes to Our House, to stay a few minutes-- see where a sawbuck gets you? October 30th, (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/4/lLR36AC4i9w

Curvaceous contortionist Tara Quinn delivers energy liquid to the flaccid, limp Show, and Hal plays the Munsters theme song on his old organ as the show sells out for a can of glucose-filled sugar-water, an apparent Fernet chaser of some kind October 30th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/3/YziKS14n9ic

God loves Slayer, and the (evil) Twelve Galaxies are named in order, while GALAXY 125 remains unnamed. Love, abortions and Eli Wallach's Jones for the legendary Orange Box Man October 30th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/2/0MhngJtABuU

A Bee makes free with Venom, and so endeth our catechism October 30th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/1/WdVMQ1QPZFY

Pete Goldie makes the SmokePot Guys laugh-- and travels into the Abyss on October 23rd to reveal Galaxy Clusters and other wonders (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/4/tKw_I5OnpP0

Then Dr. Hal appears to begin the show, not for the proud man, apart, on October 23rd (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/3/Hlc5K6HHh38

Accidents, doughnuts, cults and religions, Vampiric Diabetes, Other-shoeism, Miniature Zombies, pens, swords, and Smoke Pot Guy served up hot, all on October 23rd (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/2/x5QJsymmO2E

Seven inside jokes from inside that SmokePot Guy's brain-- as seen by the Norns, inside a black hole. Then a One-Minute Dance Party occurs, when the Merry Bells ring round, and the jocund Rebecks sound-- to many a Youth and many a Maid dancing in the Chequered Shade, concluding this lively episode of ADH on October 23rd (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/1/NpKMazKKoR8

Our second show of the latest run-- straw telescopes seek Cassini Probe porn, with Phat Mandee warbling "Over the Rainbow" in the background! It's our October 16th show, its hour come round at last (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/2/TNz1un4qzWA

See all of Puzzling Evidence's video realm at Puzzling Evidence TV. See you at the exclusive
CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET

      3359 Army (Cesar Chavez St.) San Francisco, California             
                              [Where Mission St. Joins Cesar Chavez]       

Happening This Friday Night-- Dec. 11th!